Suffering in Silence
For 38 years, Lawrence used hard drugs to wipe out the memories of the sexual trauma he experienced while growing up. Last year, he graduated from a Salvation Army drug treatment program in Ottawa. “I’m glad I came here,” says Lawrence. “My life needed to change.”
From an early age, heartbreak shattered Lawrence’s self-worth and sense of security. At four his parents divorced. From ages six to 12 he was abused by a babysitter, then by a family member. He suffered in silence, which proved to have harmful, long-term effects.
“I’m glad I came here,” says Lawrence. “My life needed to change.”
“I remember the day I got on a bus and waved goodbye to my father who was standing on the porch,” says Lawrence. “I thought my mom and I were going on a vacation, but we never went back. The sexual abuse started soon after that. I took drugs to wipe out the memories. I was angry and acted out―lied and stole―to the point where my family wanted my mom to send me to a Catholic reform institution for boys. She didn’t, but I continually caused grief for her.”
Lawrence became a functional addict who worked as a cook for 30 years. All of his life, the perceived danger of being hurt again resulted in a fight mechanism to help ensure his protection. This included assaults and theft.
“I was in and out of prison for 15 years,” says Lawrence. “My lifestyle cost me my marriage and my family.”
While in prison for assault, Lawrence hung himself because he’d had enough of life. But the attempt failed.
“In prison I learned of a drug treatment program at The Salvation Army’s Booth Centre. My first thoughts were, ‘I can’t do this,’” says Lawrence.
The Anchorage Addiction Recovery Program is a residential program that offers rehabilitation to men recovering from drug and alcohol addiction. It involves daily therapy sessions and is designed to help people identify and work through the core issues related to their drug and alcohol use.
” I felt numb, disconnected and unable to trust other people. I’m not that guy anymore.”
“The Salvation Army helped me discover everything that was medically and emotionally wrong with me,” says Lawrence. “When I came I couldn’t have a conversation without crying and attacked people verbally. I felt numb, disconnected and unable to trust other people. I’m not that guy anymore.”
Lawrence graduated from the program and is almost one year clean.
“I eventually want to be an addictions counsellor,” says Lawrence. “I pray for the centre every day because it changed me. Actually, it saved my life.”
“I eventually want to be an addictions counsellor,” says Lawrence. “I pray for the centre every day because it changed me. Actually, it saved my life.”
