Home is where Rocky’s heart is

The healing effects of community in the midst of mental illness – a series of stories

A benefactor of The Salvation Army’s programs and services, Rocky shares his intimate life-story of drug use, theft, and prison time, which he is able to connect to early childhood trauma.

“We accepted the abuse because it was the norm,” says Rocky.

Raised mainly by his father, Rocky loved seeing his cousins come to stay with them, in part, because this meant he and his siblings would have a reprieve from abuse. Rocky was always sad to see them go.

“My father was sick,” says Rocky. “I still have a place in my heart for him.”

When Rocky’s brother Jason died at the young age of 18, Rocky had been living at a home for troubled youth in the state of Utah because of drug related incidents. He flew home in time for the funeral, which he describes as a real loss for him and for many in the community.

Rocky is grateful for how his community came together and embraced him during this time; they were concerned for Rocky’s life after his brother’s death because they were so close.

Referring to his brother’s girlfriend, Rocky says, “We were so glad when we learned she was pregnant just after Jason passed; this girl who is now 14, will carry on his legacy and she looks just like him.” Rocky’s face beams when he shares this aspect of his story; however, he admits, he hasn’t fully grieved the deep grief he feels as a result of the loss of his brother.

“Emotionally, I learned to hide things and pretend the abuse didn’t happen,” says Rocky. “I was embarrassed and am even now, but I tell myself that it wasn’t my fault.”

When he returned from the US, Rocky describes how he did well for a while, but moved back into some of his old patterns. This involved drinking and smoking, which led to heavier drugs. He admits being “in the wrong place at the wrong time.” The fear of needles may have played a role in protecting him from serious harm.

Getting high provided an escape from emotional pain, but a combination of drugs and theft led Rocky to jail on different occasions. He speaks of his time in both federal and provincial jails as being a helpful experience for him. “I learned about the consequences of my actions,” says Rocky.

In May 2019, Rocky enrolled in The Salvation Army’s Anchorage Recovery program at the Centre of Hope. He has been sober for six months and plans to complete the program this fall and secure housing via the Friendship Centre.

Rocky describes how his attempts to become sober in the past were more about others and less about him. He explains how this time, he’s recovering for him. He really believes this is the first time he has fully participated in rehabilitation.

When individuals have their basic needs fulfilled – shelter, food and clothing, they are then better equipped to find work and a more stable life.

“If I didn’t live the life I did, I wouldn’t be who I am today,” Rocky says. “I’d like to think I’m a young strong man that learned a lot along the way.”

Hear more about Rocky’s story via video at our Hope in the City Leadership Breakfast taking place on Friday, November 15th at 7:30 a.m. at the Westin Nova Scotian in Halifax. Visit https://salvationarmy.ca/atlantic/home/events/breakfast/